Caution:

So give me all your bad. Give me all the worst ideas imaginable. Now give me all the best. Give me the best ideas ever.. Go ahead, because I really would like to see what you have that could possibly beat what I have. I'll wait..

Ok, that is enough waiting. Today's topic boys and girls: Zombie Sex

Something I never would have thought another human being (other then my sick self) would think of. I recently found a listing on Craigslist in need of a human being wanting sex with another human being with a few minor conditions:

- Must *look* like a zombie and more importantly, an **attractive** zombie.

- Must *act* like a zombie.

- Don't be shy. (This entails growling, blood, etc.)

- In addition, (But not required) *Zombie Experience*

On a further note, this person has given a description of the aforementioned sex. Classic zombie scene, I must say. In which, the "human" is going about their daily life doing human stuff, listening to the news on a miniature radio, hearing about the horrors going on in the streets around them. When all of a sudden, who bursts through the door!? Zombie(s)!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhh. The puny human screams and shouts, begs for mercy with a long winded

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo!!!!"

The human's clothes are torn off in a frenzy of violence and hunger! "Ahhhhhhhh" Cue the fake blood!

This person certainly knows what they are doing.

Now, after I read the ad once or twice (and being immediately disappointed that said person lives no where near me), I realized that this was not a man. But a woman. For some reason i automatically assumed that this sick individual who made my heart warm and buttery like a fresh cinnamon bun, was a man. This is the part where I take a serious and deeper look into my soul and question, what it truly means to be human.

If the zombie question does one thing, it is to provoke the question of the very existence of the human race. So what am I if not a human? The point is, it doesn't matter. No matter how strongly I believe in equality, women's rights and the like, it was wrong of me to judge the woman as a man. Especially in my case, that since I identified with this person so strongly, why did my braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain automatically go to that place?

In my personal opinion, its a whole matter of braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain-washing and conditioning. We are fed and train to act, think, behave, and solve things differently on purpose. So, on the other hand, being a Zombie must entail a pretty unbiased and carefree life, don't you think? Ponder that for a while.

Women zombies like brains just as much as men zombies. Male humans are just as scared of their brains getting eaten as female humans.

And on that note, I am going to email Miss DD. =P

Makeup

I really think that it is about time for this makeup post. I was prolonging it and procrastinating for the longest time. But now that I am an Avon sales representative, (by the way, don't hesitate to comment or contact me for more information about buying Avon through me, that is, if I know you. And yes this is a really long parenthesized side note) I felt a certain sense of duty (cue the patriotic music) and obligation to my fellow American citizens to discuss (Cue drums... bum bum bummmmm) makeup.

Yes, that long and complicated subject matter that leaves only the few to escape from it's rippling effects down upon the human race like a Zombie plague. (Hey! I *was* able to mention Zombies!) Men hate it. (Well, not all of them.) Feminists despise it. And animals are sometimes harmed in the making of it.

For some reason I just thought of what a turtle would look like if he had lipstick on. I tried to find a picture of one but google failed me. Since Im not Hyperbole and A Half, here's a cow with lipstick.

I've always been a huge fan of makeup. Yes, I believe in women's rights, but that doesn't make me any less of a feminist or whatever I am. I have a long history with makeup. My mom always bought Avon (Ironic) when I was a kid, so I would always go to her vanity and play with her all her lipsticks and blushes. Yes, I was that stereotypical five year old with the lipstick all over her face. I thought the world of my mother so I always wanted to look and smell as good as she did. Even though she never wore as much makeup as I thought she did.

Now my bedroom walls are adorned with the various and numerous pictures I've carefully cut out of all sorts of magazines. Mainly of well made-up lips and eyes, and faces of models wearing beautiful makeup. One could probably make the assumption that I have a fetish for makeup. That would be.. correct. I also have a huge, fetish, for old hollywood and pinup styles. That, in terms of makeup, usually consists of red lipsticks, winged eyeliner and rosy cheeks.

I love red lipstick. I mean, I LOVE red lipstick. Its encoded deep within me and I just have unnatural attraction to it. If girls got boners, my boner would be whenever I saw a perfectly applied, red lipstick. Or possibly with just seeing a perfect shade of red lipstick. I actually went without eating for two days so I would have enough money to buy this perfect shade of red lipstick that was really really expensive. I have so many shades, brands, and types of lipstick that I had to find a separate makeup bag to fit them all in. Not to mention another makeup bag that had to be bought for all of my eye shadows, eye liners, mascaras, eyelash curlers, fake eyelashes, etc.

I mean the whole idea behind red lipstick was initially to attract men. Why, and how, you ask? Back in the good ol' pre-historic ages when we were all monkeys, females attracted males with their swollen, *red* genitals. Red. Redddddd. Get it? That's how a male knew she was, you know.. *in the mood.* Now with good ol' science, we have found the technology to recreate swollen genitals by experimenting with chemicals and colors on helpless little animals and putting the finished product on our lips. Voila!

I recently discovered this site called Trendland in my google reader. I found this amazing amazing Lip Art sort of thing, that I went crazy over. Even if your normal, (BTW: If your normal why the hell are you reading my blog?) I think you'll find this beautiful and just a tad erotic:

http://trendland.net/2009/09/18/lips-lips-lips-makeup-inspiration/

And then I found this! Which the first picture on the very top of this post came from:

http://trendland.net/2010/04/20/julie-begin-makeup-artist/

What's my moral with this post? I have no clue. I guess, your damned if you do, your damned if you dont.

**I do not own any of these pictures or claim the right to them**